Astro-Clairvoyant “Chris” Comes To Canada

I got a bit of a surprise in the mail today.

Most of it is the typical that I am used to receiving. A message from a local politician. A safeway flyer (they always mail one a day in advance of the bundle of flyers that comes tomorrow). An ad for a local eyeglass place. And an unstamped and unmarked envelope with a simple generic message:

Dropped this off as I was passing by . . . Take just 3 minutes of your time to read this letter. It will be worth it and I think it will be of real interest to you

CR (<– I assume)

The message was printed on the front of the envelope in blue ink, in a hand written type font.

The envelope made me curious, but that was it. I figured it might have been from a door to door charity person, a survey from a local business or something of the nature (AKA junk mail), so I just put it in the house with the rest of the mail and went out to run a few errands.

Then I got back home, and opened the rest of my mail (much of it now in the blue box. That is where the majority of it ends up). Then I got this the “mystery” envelope.  I  was correct in my assumption of it being junk mail. But the contents surprised me.

WANTED

I am looking for 100 people
to help for free
before next friday>>
and who would like to receive $75…

Interesting. Do tell me more . . .

CHRIS

Clairvoyant medium,
specialist in visions of
love and money

Oh boy. . .

I have received flyers and leaflets from the Mormons and other churches, but this is a first. But I read on, curious. This was certainly out of the ordinary.

*cue spooky music*

If you have problems with money or love, I would like to help you. All absolutely free.

Why?

I am currently writing a book on the countless changes that occur suddenly in peoples lives
immediately after they have received my help. In order to finish my book and prove irrefutably the
intensity of the secret powers that I, alone, posses, I am offering to help people like you, who have
an urgent problem in money or love to solve, all absolutely free
I just ask that you let me know as soon as your problem has been solved. You only need to send me a
little letter indicating how long it took for your problem to be resolved and how it happened.
If your story is chosen as one of the testimonies to be published in my book, I will send you $75 to thank you.
Of course, neither your first or your surname will be used. Only your initials will be given to respect your privacy
and protect the confidentiality of our relationship. You see, as an astro-clairvoyant, an expert in
telepathic research, I am astonished by the letters I receive every day, to see how sad people are when
it would take so little to transform their lives into happiness and prosperity.

Well, this is quite the situation we have here.

They will give me $75 for “helping” to prove that this guy “CHRIS” no last name has secret, intense powers. Secret, intense powers, that can apparently help me find love and get rich.

He certainly seems to say that he has the right credentials, being an “astro-clairvoyant” and an “expert” in telepathic research and analysis. But you do not just have to base your opinion off of his word alone. He has a testimonial!

Just as it did for Agnes C., a young women, just 39 years old, who had some serious financial problems.
Take a look at her testimony. It is incredible: “Up until last May, my husband and I had been having
tough times for years, and it was only getting worse with each passing day. Our money problems kept
accumulating and I was not able to make ends meat anymore. Then, to top it all off, my husband
got laid off

But the worst was yet to come …

I think I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. One morning, a bailiff knocked at the door, ready
with eviction papers. What a shock! I could see myself in the street with my 2 children in my
arms. I cried all day. I just could not stop.

At this point, they have a photo of I am guessing “Agnes” smiling and happy, with im guessing her daughter on her lap. It is a nice touch, to compliment the previous bit and help tug to the heart strings. Only thing,  it looks like the daughter is picking her nose. Which is fucking HILARIOUS.

Then on May 7, everything really changed for me…

Our sweet neighbors gave us a head of lettuce from their garden. It was wrapped in newspaper. I unwrapped
the lettuce and the newspaper must have been lying flat on the kitchen table for a good ten minutes when
an article caught my eye. it was a report on an unusual clairvoyant. He was kindly offering to help
people that had serious problems. Like me. Chris had a strange power that could quickly – overnight
in fact – change the lives of all those who agreed his free help. But I was still skeptical.

Good for you.

That is a good way to interpret an article like that in the newspaper. Or on the internet. Or in a random envelope that arrives in the mail.

One (important) detail made me take it seriously, though . . .
This was not the first time I was reading an article on a clairvoyant. In fact, I had already been to see
a few psychics in the hopes of seeing my situation turn around, Unfortunately, nothing had ever really
changed for me.
And a little voice inside my head kept saying, “You are not going to fall into that trap again and believe a bunch
of nonsense like the last time …”

Excellent.

You learned from your past  mistake. That easy money is but a pipe dream. And that psychics, are almost 99.9% guaranteed, to be completely and totally, full of shit.

Good for you.

Wait, you took it seriously? I am seriously confused.

That was when something struck me: Before he gave the lettuce, my neighbor surely had to have read that
newspaper article. Otherwise, how could he have been able to buy those two new cars?…And how could he
have gone on holiday 5 times this year?…And what about his wife that goes to the hair dresser at least once
a week?…How can all those changes in their lives be explained, especially when they have all come about 
so suddenly? Because it was not long ago, that they were just like us, after all…
Then there were the authentic testimonies from all those people. That is what ultimately convinced me.
Their lives had changed radically thanks to Chris’s intervention. Some of them said they had won a huge 
sum of money at the lottery. Others said they had experienced true love after going though absolute 
despair. All of them had been rid of their problems fast. 

*shakes head*

WHAT?!

This started out so well, you started out on a good track. How the HELL, did you end up HERE?!

I am guessing that your neighbors did read, or at least glance at, the article you were talking of. I have no doubt about it (I would read something like that). But my guess is that, they had the same reaction to it that I would . . .

“What the fuck is this shit?!”.

Your basing the assumption of your neighbors good fortune on, them going to see/communicating with some random stranger from a news article?!
Its not possible, that one or both, got a good job? Got some sort of inheritance or windfall?
How do you know, one of then is not some sort of high ranking embezzler? Or a theif? Or a fraudster/banker? (HA!) Or a drug pedaler?

Did you ever think, to just ASK?!

They must be very “sweet” people indeed, if they do not let you in on any details whatsoever, when it comes to their lives.

And the testimonials. Oh, the awesome and detailed testimonials.

All the people had come to Chris, in the most terrible situation that they have ever been in their LIVES. And because of his “intervention”, some found monetary freedom. And others found love and happiness, thus concluding the shitty part of their lives. And, most importantly, all of them had been rid of their problems, FAST.

Fast, like a lightning bolt. Or fast, like complete glacial ice melt in  the scale of geologic time. Well, that is certainly a huge window of variation. Between mere seconds, and around 60 to 100 years. Do tell me more. I plan on NOT being fucked, for as much of my life as I can, if I can help it.

Not to mention, all these words, and no filler. What exactly does this Chris do? Of course, besides write articles in newspapers, and send random testimonial sheets to people. Like me.

So I asked myself, “Why not me?”…

After all, is Chris was able to make all those people so lucky, why would he not be able to do the same
thing for me? In any case, I was not risking a thing in giving it a try. It was absolutely free.
So I immediately filled in the form at the bottom of the page and sent it in with a photo of me. I could
not wait to hear back. Every day, I was on the lookout for the postman.
Finally, on May 17, I received a big, white envelope. I quickly opened it. Let me tell you, I was not 
expecting to recieve what I did. Chris had already studied my case. It revealed in incredible detail
certain facts about my past. And it announced some great events for my future. Plus, he had already
done a special stopgap measure so that everything could work out in my life straight away…

I am impressed. I really am. This “Chris” fellow, knows. He has the POWER.

He has, THE POWER. . . . of the internet, and his imagination.

The best thing about this, is how you give no details, as to what “Chris” seen in your past. Not that it matters much.
Because with a Google search, it is possible to build up a huge profile on a person. And the person may not even realize how much of their info is “out there”.
Consider all the various public web services that you have used. Not just the current social networks and such that you use, but ALL OF THEM that you have EVER used. If you did not delete those profiles, those forum posts, those blog entries, and all other posts scattered around the web, they are still there. And as such, sifting though it, can tell a lot about a person.

Not to mention, knowing what has happened in a person’s past, can be a pretty good predictor of what lies in their future. For example, if someones schooling and college classes primarily surround biology, then chances are they are not going to grow up as an accountant. Otherwise known as, pulling stuff out of his ass.

Come on, your almost 40. You had to have heard about, at least in concept, the internet. How it is a giant pool of all sorts of information.

And, “stopgap measure”.

WHAT?!

The very next day, the first unexpected event took place…

My husband’s former colleague offered him a job. He had been unemployed for months,
unable to find anything, and this was an extraordinary chance. Not only that, but
the salary was great and it was just down the street from us. We could not believe it…

Neither can I.

The second event was just as surprising…

When I was very young, I had had a son with my first husband. He had been living abroad
with his father, and I had not heard from him in years. it was one of my most cherished wishes
to see him again. A few days later, i received a letter from him asking if he could come see me
with his wife. He told me that I was going to be a grandmother. Can you believe it? At 39!

Oh, I can believe it.

Give me a break. An old co worker of your husband stops by, to offer him a good paying job. No chance of him knowing your husband is available, and just happening to have an opening at that time. It MUST be Chris.
And there is NO chance that your other son had just HAPPENED to find out the good news at around the same time you wrote “Chris”, it is not a coincidence.

And, your a grandmother at 39. Congrats. I know guys that are my age (25), and they already have one or 2 kids. One I know, already has 3 kids. People are popping em out earlier and earlier, and more and more. Unfortunately for our already strained and polluted biosphere.
But why would that matter to YOU. Your  the one testifying to the credibility of an “astro clairvoyant”.

Then…Well, just take a look! Its incredible!

Every day, things seemed to just work themselves out. Life was completely different. I would
get up in the morning full of hope, excited to start the day. Everything was going well my husband
with his new job and he was in a good mood again. And I was, too…

It is indeed, incredible.

Your husband got a great new job, and you have a long lost son coming to visit that will soon make you a grandmother. In my mind, those are very much positive events in any context. Meaning, even without this “Chris” fellow in your life, im thinking that these would be good days for you.

Enjoy the event timings, for the coincidences that they are. Stop giving this “Chris” asshole credit, for doing nothing.

That is when the most wonderful thing of all happened…

Without mentioning a thing to me, my husband had bought a lottery ticket. He was always
saying, “Oh! What’s the point? I’m never lucky anyway…” And for the first time in his life
he pocketed a tidy little sum…Let me tell you, it gave us quite a little nest egg…
He is not at all the type to believe this kind of thing, but he had to admit, “We’ve been
so lucky ever since you wrote to that clairvoyant Chris. It can’t be a coincidence…”

DUN DUN DUUUN.

You Win.

I am the overly skeptical asshole that should just chill the fuck out and open my mind.

Chris be praised.

0_o

But I think it was when I was able to pay off all our debts that I realized how much our
situation had changed. I did not owe anyone anymore money, and I still had some money to see 
me though for some time. It was the first time in my life that had happened…

Well, to hell with the kids. They are fine. And to hell with the husband, who is out there MAKING the money.

You have money Agnes. be happy.

Today, I have agreed to write about this and have my story published because ever since
things changed so radically, I have been thinking about all those unlucky people and
all their problems. And I tell myself that if Chris was able to help me and my husband
like that, he could surely do a lot for other people, too.
So if you have problems in your life, do not hesitate to do what I did. Ask Chris for
help. You are not risking a thing. his help is free…And I can tell you, you will
not regret it.”

Agnes C.

Well, that was really something, wasn’t it folks?

A lady who I can only imagine was a stay at home mom, who started out on the path to “easy” money though questionable (or “unconventional”) means, found a clairvoyant to fit their needs.

And lets remember that it was not the hard work (and the past reputation) of the husband that got him that great job that has them rolling in the doe, giving HER money to spend. It was all “Chris”.

Oh, and that bit in the end about feeling bad for all the “Unlucky” people out there. That is such a typical greedy, western world reaction. Don’t send them to this “Chris” asshole and feel better about yourself!
Take some of that “Good luck” money, and donate it to charity.
There is nothing that bugs me more then self righteous assholes with the means, that make a choice to “contribute” help to a situation by way of some useless gesture. Like praying, or liking a fake “charitable” post (“for every like, __________ will donate $1 to _________ !), or shit like this.

If there is one thing that the whole “testimonial” did not do, it was tell us anything about “Chris”, nor about his abilities. Hell, it didn’t tell us ANYTHING at all. If credibility is earned by way of ability to fact check, then its a whole lot of crap.

On the front, there seems to be a small “profile” of this “Chris”, written by another source. Or in the 3ed person. Judge for yourself (its unsigned or credited).

Chris has devoted his entire life to helping the poor, the underprivileged and the marginalized.
Most of those people had been desperate cases. The growing difficulties they had come to face
in their lives had gradually destroyed them, leaving them little hope of ever finding a way out
of their horrible situations. But to their great surprise, their lives turned around, virtually overnight.

One thing is certain: This man has not only “secret” know-how, but also an exceptional gift, a
vision and ability to transmit thought. As he puts it, he is able to enter into “spiritual communication”
with other people. That ability is extremely rare – he is the only one we know with that particular gift –
and it apparently allows him to feel intently and at exactly the same time, what the person he is in
contact with telepathically is feeling. In addition, his incredible visions – in particular when it comes
to money – allow him to project himself into someones past, present and future and to  see the often
unexpected solution to the person’s main problem.

That is the most ridicules claim that I have ever read. Give me a FUCKING break.

Honestly, when someone has a “gift” so rare that apparently NO ONE else has it, “rare” is not the word I would use to describe it. “Fake” or “Crock of shit” works just as well.

And look at that ability. He can “tune” into your thoughts, and see your past, your present and apparently, your future. That is not only the stupidest thing I have EVER read, but that is the creepiest thing I have ever read.

I mean, think about it. This man can “see” into your past, your present, and your future. All based on something that you wrote on a piece of paper that you mailed to him in Old Bethpage, New York. He could be a huge asset for an organization like the CIA or the NSA.

Imagine full access to someones ENTIRE life. Not just digital scraps and metadata, but thoughts and memories. It would be impossible to lie. AND theoretically, possible to predict future crimes before they happen. Imagine the possibilities!

Also, the reply envelope included (notably with no postage) is addressed:

CHRIS
696 Old Bethpage Road, #297
Old Bethpage,  New York,
11804
USA

So “Chris” just HAPPENED to be stopping by my neighborhood in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada. A likely story.

But let us continue with this “Chris” resume of skillz.

Whether it is a problem concerning money, love or bad luck, nothing and no one can bring happiness as
quickly and long-lastingly into someone’s life as the hapiness he can bring to yours.

When asked about the incredible “gift” which allows him to bring others happiness, Chris prefers to
speak about his complete dedication to each individual he helps and about his personal quest for know-how.

His background speaks for itself: at the age of 20, he became the youngest professional in his field in Europe.
At the same time, he began to do experimental studies on hypnosis and on parapsychological
phenomena such as telepathy. Then he had his series of “firsts” in the world: the first experience of
collective telepathy (with an audience of 50,000), hypnosis though television (2 million subjects asleep),
all crowned with success. he still continues his rounds at conference and his research to understand the
mysteries of the human mind and the benefits of paranormal practices to mankind.

Every day he receives more and more requests. His countless achievements attest to the wide
range of his powers. For him, nothing is impossible when it comes to helping his fellow man.
And what he has done for others, he can do for you, too.

How about that,  folks. Nothing is impossible or over the top, when it comes to helping his fellow sheep . . . OPPS! I mean man.

The amount of words, conveying so much nothing, is truly amazing. There is the claim of “collective telepathy” with an audience of 50,000. Hell, that is around 3/4’s of the populace of the city I live in. Not to mention, how is that even supposed to work?
If we look to the above explanation of his “powers”, we know that he can get into your mind. He individually goes in, and searches your past, present AND future, for solutions to your every problem.

And, to go back to a comment from “Agnes” earlier in her “testimonial”, he can institute a “stopgap measure”. No where is that explained. So the only thing I can think of, is that “Chris” can change your future. Thats pretty damn wild!

Now, back to the collective telepathy thing. Is it that he “connected” to 50,000 people, all at the same time? Or that he did 50,000 single “connections”?
When it came to the first choice (collective), one would wonder what would be to gain, besides bragging rights. And as for the other (single connections), think about how long that would take. Even if he didn’t “help” them all in any way, just focusing on each of the 50,000, would take a LONG time.

Then there is the hypnosis by television, where apparently he put 2 million subjects to sleep.

These are all, some pretty damn good feats.If I were responsible for all these world firsts, I would not hesitate to share them with the world either. And I would not hesitate to show evidence of all these feats.

But, wait, good point. Where is the evidence for any of this?

Having a crowd of 50,000 at your clairvoyant disposal is quite a feat. That also entails quite the venue. Why is it that we have to not know the venue? Or for that matter, WHERE this took place geographically.

His “bio” says that he was a professional from a young age in Europe, so I am under the assumption that is where “Chris” was born. But the mailing information, is a US address. So I am assuming that he also has US connections or a residence.
Did this event happen the Us, in Europe, or somewhere else?

Now to the next crowning achievement on his list, the mass hypnosis of 2 million television viewers.

Once again, were only given “meta data” of the event.

What network or networks did this program air on? In what country, or what countries? And how did you KNOW that 2 million people were indeed, “asleep” at the hand of your techniques?

One wonders why there is a need to hide all this information. Could it be because, listings of things like venue names or television networks, would make it to easy to “verify” the information? Why do you not want us to verify it?

Since I have retyped this whole damn thing word for word (at the expense of much time. My scanner was not working), I may as well include a small “personal message” from “Chris”.

Personal Message From Chris

Do you really think you are different from other people?
That you do not have the right to your share of happiness?
That people with everything are better than you? NO!
So why do they have everything and you do not?
There is a simple reason for that, but no one has
ever told you before! Just send me your first name,
Surname, address and a photo of you in response 
to this ad, and I will send you a free Clairvoyance report.

It will reveal the secret to the supernatural laws, as well
as well as the secret behind your own hidden powers.
Plus, it will contain some key information that will
help you transform your life.

All this is Absolutely free.

Just send me your first name, surname,
address and a photo of you (I will return it to you)
and fill in the form below.

your friend,

*signature*

 Well this whole sheet has been quite insightful. We learned of this fellow “Chris” who has supernatural powers, about how he is selfless in his usage of said powers in helping people overcome adversity, free of charge. We learned a new termonology, “Astro Clairvoyant”, and that “Chris” is an expert in the field. He is such an expert, that he is the only one at the moment with his skill set. Out of all the humans making tracks on this planet, “Chris” is it.
And we learned that “Chris” has many accomplishments that he is proud to share with us.

In fact, “Chris” is so selfless and sure of his power, that he is willing to PAY YOU $75, just for taking the time to allow him to “telepathically” lock onto you, and change your life for the better.

This seems like a great guy.

Well, this is interesting. I just spotted a tiny bit of fine print along the boarder of the right hand side of page 2 of his “ad”. It reads:

GUARANTEES AND INFORMATION: In accordance with the “Data protection Act”
you have the right to access and correct any information held concerning you. In the
absence of your refusal, this information may be used by third parties.

I have to admit, that with the intensity that I have been studying this advertisement, it was only by accident that I noted this little bit of fine print, just now. If I have been looking at this page for hours and missed it, then its a safe bet to think that many people will miss it all together. Especially those swept up by the “powers” of “Chris”.

I had been reading this whole thing, trying to figure out what possible motive one would have, for sending such a letter. paying $75, for a testimonial? This has ALL the earmarks (including playing into the thought processes of the gullible, greedy and lazy) of a scam of some sort.
This little disclaimer tells me that your not worth as much as your INFORMATION is. By sending him info, this fine print gives “Chris” the okay to share (and sell) it all as he pleases. $75 to you? Hell, thats probably pocket change compared to the cash that could be made selling you.

But I am not done yet.

I still have curiosities that this piece has not satisfied. So I will make use of humanities best tool in the fight against lies and mis-truths, the internet. Primarily, a  search engine.

My first curiosity, was with the term “Astro Clairvoyant”, which is a term I had never heard before. And it seems that I am not alone. Google only had one website that mentioned it by definition. As it turns out, a blog entry by an Astro Clairvoyant in Las Vegas named Narah Guide.

Norah

http://www.norahastrologer.com/norah-astrologer/norah-guide-discusses-the-difference-between-clairvoyants-telepaths-and-empaths/#more-293

The screen capture is just an excerpt of a longer piece, but the goods are in the 2ed paragraph from the bottom.

In my initial search of the terms “Astro Clairvoyant” (without “definition” added) I was linked to a number of sites pertaining to this Narah women, but also this:

http://www.ripoffreport.com/r/Premium-Astrology/Las-Vegas-Nevada-89107/Premium-Astrology-Norah-A-free-reading-and-then-you-pay-for-a-customized-report-with-freeb-761895

Well were off to a good start lol. But notably, nothing about a “Chris”.

Which brings me to my next query.

Chris1

So the guy is on the Google radar, and even has a facebook page. But no last name. Curious.

But if you scroll the page down even just a little bit, you find this.

Chrisscam1

Chrisscam2

http://www.astrocat.exactpages.com/index1.html

If you want to play around more with the “CHRIS” search results, here they are.

https://www.google.ca/#q=%22Astro+clairvoyant+Chris%22

So there you have it, my suspicions confirmed.

Many people over the years, have chastised me over my distrust in people. How I am always looking at things, in the most negative ways. Translation, I am critical of EVERYTHING I hear and see, pretty much anywhere.

While there are problems that arise from this, I make the argument that many people are TO trusting. I have no doubt that many will take this “Chris”/Earol’s offer, and answer right away. Not even realizing that they just got had.

When seeing though the smokescreen, would be as easy as typing a search term into a search engine.

In the words of Bill Maher, BE MORE CYNICAL!

This entry was posted in Opinion, The Paranormal. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Astro-Clairvoyant “Chris” Comes To Canada

  1. sonmicloud says:

    “*cue spooky music* ” From shortly before this line, down to the the rather more, (and well pointed out) seriousness of scammers like this, I cried with laughter several times. It is very, very funny in parts this post, so thank you for that, and also for the detailed ‘Sherlock-like’ research into the whole nonsense and this mysterious apparent miracle worker ‘Chris’. The sad part is how many genuinely nice but thoroughly naive, (or desperate), people are taken in by such things. This post might make some of those people think twice, so I am re-blogging it. For those who already know better it will be a very funny start or end to their day too. 🙂 sonmicloud.

    Like

    • mbman says:

      Thanks :).

      When I received the page in the mail, I knew I had to write about it. To put the info out there.

      Now if anyone googles “Astro clairvoyant Chris”, this is the top (and only) result.

      Not bad, only 9 hours after publish :). That is, assuming its not google micro targeting me.

      Like

  2. sonmicloud says:

    Reblogged this on Sonmi's Cloud and commented:
    Sage words of caution for the not so wise – words of mirth for those gifted with some cynicism. A most enjoyable post from The Though Zone.

    Like

  3. sonmicloud says:

    Oooh I’ve just found a problem with the text, the white appears as black when re-blogged – however, the yellow text stays yellow and so cannot be read! I’ll copy and paste it as a new post, (with a link to here of course), because you can’t edit re-blogs yourself. Worth knowing though. – sonmicloud

    Like

    • mbman says:

      Good to know. Ill have to try with another colour (red maybe)?

      Like

      • sonmicloud says:

        Aye, try another one definitely, or, just put it all in italics, in the meanwhilst the copying and pasting was not playing fair at my end, so I’ve put up a link to the post and given it a nice build up 🙂 sonmicloud

        Like

      • mbman says:

        I made the adjustment, turning everything white and Italicizing it all. I had another person say that the yellow was hard to read.

        So, lesson learned. Stick to the default colors.

        But defranchiate by font.

        Like

    • mbman says:

      Turns out the white text problem that you ran into, I also did upon going back to white.

      I think ill stick to white backgrounds, black font. Make things easier for everyone.

      Like

  4. Pingback: Wise Words from The Thought Zone | Sonmi's Cloud

  5. Pingback: Wise Words from The Thought Zone | Sonmi's Cloud

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